Kathryn

I’ve written down thoughts and memories of loved ones who have died before, but it’s never hit this hard.  Allen’s sweet sister Kathryn passed away on Saturday, April 20th, from cancer.  Though we knew it was coming, and though we have all felt moments of profound comfort and assurance—it’s still just so awful and hard and heartbreaking.

We lived in Fayetteville the summer after we got married, and I loved getting to know Kathryn then.  I helped her run for student body office her junior year of high school—she laughed so hard when I pasted her head on Catwoman’s body and designed a campaign flyer that said simply “Vote Kat.” She won—not because of the flyer—but because she was the absolute embodiment of fun and energy and love for life, readily apparent to everyone around her.

That same summer, Allen and I hid in the trunk of Kathryn’s car after she and some friends had gone to see a scary movie (What Lies Beneath).  We had nylons pulled over our faces and had moved her car a little distance from where she originally parked.  Her friends didn’t believe her when she insisted “I did NOT park there!” and they all screamed when we popped out of the trunk and roared—but after the fright, Kathryn laughed and laughed.  It was one of her favorite stories to tell and re-tell.

This girl loved to have fun like no one you’ve ever met—and if it wasn’t fun, she didn’t care to do it.  Kathryn called me up after she and Boyd had been married for three or four months and asked if I could hook her up with a vacuum (I know a guy).  I asked her what she was looking for and what she was used to.  She kind of stammered, “I, well, um, we . . . haven’t had a vacuum.”  For three months!  Now it was my turn to laugh—only Kathryn could put off an “unfun” task for that long.

When Kathryn and Boyd moved to Utah, it was such a blessing to get to know them even better and to spend one-on-one time going mountain biking, camping (we might have ruined it for them on the windiest night of the century), swimming, going to movies, and just hanging out together.  We spent every single Thanksgiving with them when they lived near us.  Kathryn was a great cook and such a relaxed, welcoming hostess.  She was so laidback and kind and never cared about things that were unimportant—a great example to me of focusing on what really matters.

One time we went swimming with our kids at Lava Hot Springs and took a mermaid tail that Mollie had gotten for her birthday.  I suggested we film each other swimming underwater wearing the tail and she was game.  I thought we both pulled it off . . .  until we compared footage. The videos of her swimming look like a REAL mermaid!  Beautiful and graceful and smiling and practically breathing underwater . . . and I looked like some kind of stiff Franken-mermaid having a seizure just below the surface. 

She wasn’t just a pretty mermaid.  She was the most graceful waterskier, had an absolutely gorgeous tennis serve, and looked like a model whether she was running cross country or diving into a pool or doing yoga or playing the piano.  She made things look easy, because she was so at ease when she was doing the things she loved—another quality worth emulating.

And the thing she loved most?  Being married to Boyd and being a mom.  She was a natural from day one--Kathryn loved her babies and was always showing pictures of each one of them to everyone exclaiming, “Isn’t he the cutest? Isn’t he the most beautiful baby you’ve ever seen?”  There’s no question that she fought so hard and hung on for so long because she didn’t want to leave her boys.  Her love of them and her pride and delight in them is still so evident—I know she will be watching over them all their lives and cheering them on through all their joys and heartaches.

Kathryn adored Allen and looked up to him and shared his love of music and tennis and not-being-uptight.  They “got” each other.  Allen was the first family member at her side when Boyd passed away and she clung to him for days.  She always told Allen how much she loved him and she always told ME how much she loved him—she loved all her siblings and her good parents that way.  I knew I liked Allen right away, but when I saw how close he was with his family, it made me love him even more.

I don’t know that we will ever mend this hole in our hearts.  And I wouldn’t want to, even though it hurts so bad.  We were all able to be together in the Bentonville temple over Christmas, when Kathryn was pretty weak and sick, and I’ve never felt a stronger, more powerful confirmation that families really can be together forever.  Of course they can!  What kind of heaven could it be without our loved ones?

God really does watch over us, love us, and tenderly guide us through these devastating losses.  Even He knows how it feels to witness unspeakable suffering . . . to lose a Son.  Because of the Atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I know we will see Kathryn and Boyd again.  Until we do, we will treasure the time we got to be with her on earth, keeping her alive through our sweet memories and through the lives of her good boys.