Sleepless in Soda Springs

I have been having trouble sleeping for a while.  I wake up, consistently, around 4:00 AM, and I am WIDE AWAKE.  I have had this problem at different times in the past, and I wish I could nail down a common thread . . . this time, I think it is surely related to a heightened state of worry: about the pandemic, about my kids, about family members and friends who are going through very trying times, about the state of the country.  I try to not consciously worry about these things, but they are definitely always in the background of my thoughts.

I usually lay in bed for a while, trying to fall back asleep, but finally just get up.  Though waking up at 4 is not a regular thing, being wide awake when I wake up is 100% how I was made.  I can count on one hand how many times I have "gone back to bed" in my life.  Once I wake up, it is going to be at least six hours until I can even attempt a nap. 

But this morning I need to write down how I have been helped and blessed, despite my sleeplessness and racing thoughts. In the past three weeks, I have turned to the messages from general conference during the small hours, and I have felt an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort.  

Every time.  Immediately.

My doubts have been quieted, my worries have been soothed.  Some mornings I have lain on the couch and watched conference talks; other times I have read the talks and taken notes and marked favorite passages.  It's a lesson I have to re-learn, but if you are going to get up at 4:30, there are not many better  ways to ease into the day. 

This morning in particular, I felt such a comfort as I read Dallin H. Oaks' BYU devotional from Tuesday, and Scott D. Whiting's talk entitled "Becoming Like Him."  It really hit me that the best medicine for any trouble is focusing on the Savior.  I felt the Spirit confirm to me the truth of Brother Whiting's words:

In these times, when “all things [appear to] be in commotion; and … fear [is seemingly] upon all people,” the only antidote, the only remedy, is to strive to be like the Savior, the Redeemer of all mankind, the Light of the World, and to seek after He who declared, “I am the way.”

It sounds so obvious, but I fully realized when I read that passage that He has been comforting me, even in the middle of my insomnia, as I have turned to messages from the good men and women who are His disciples.  I have been able to really alleviate anxiety, even unconscious anxiety, far better than by any other method or treatment or course. 

This is Brigham's lock screen on his iPod,
it's called "Hand of God" by Yongsung Kim

Today, Mollie turns thirteen.  Having three teenagers might give anyone cause for anxiety . . . but I feel a renewed desire and an optimism, both to teach all my good children, and to learn from their faith, that Jesus Christ will help all of us "when other helpers fail and comforts flee." (Abide With Me) 

I know He will.